Healing is not linear, it is a process, a process that might take forever. “Today the sun is golden, radiant, Beautiful! The best thing to happen to mother earth! How powerful, the gaze filled with wonder. Tomorrow. It is the ugliest yellow thing ever seen! Can’t stand the light, its burns the face, O! Wishing for the rains, to dance underneath the tears of heaven as they wash every pain away and give me joy. O! I’m aching to see the snow, the rains dampens my spirit. This hurtful cold, causing numbness and blisters and sickness all round, how awful, how I long for the blazing heat of the sun and its warmth.”
This, for most people is the process of healing, for one day you believe you are healed, and the next day you ask yourself, but what is wrong with me? It is one thing to be sick and the doctor tells you the problem of your ailment and cure, but if you are sick in your mind, what certainty is there for hope. The world sees you but only on the outside, your face is covered with smiles, most times roaring with laughter, but if one was to uncover the façade, they will only discover ashes, dry ground, lifelessness, frustration, pent up anger, depression and everything the world has deemed ugly will be found within. Where would healing come from? Who is brave enough to journey through that depth?
On some days you wake up and realize that all that has happened to you has ended and the joy of blissfulness is found, only for the sun to set and the torments of darkness are not far away.
You see life is a battle ground of tests, sometimes I ask myself, what are these tests for? Is there an ultimate prize to win, or are we pawns in a chess game played by the gods in the sky. Is there something bigger than me that is making me go through all I am going through for a purpose? Am I supposed to be in pain, is this how to heal?
And the answer came…….
I was the answer, the brave one, the healer, the one capable to journey through my own depth, because I was made for this, I was born for this. I was designed so capable, to overcome every odds. How possible? You see, whilst we might not know fully what happens on the other side, if there is an other side, we are well aware of what is happening here and now, so, life throws its best dart, I could stand there and allow it hit me or I could dodge, the answer? Choice. Your choices are what will guide you through this healing process, you can choose to complain about how the sun is burning your face, and stopping you from seeing or you can choose to turn your face and look at the other side, that has the covering of blue white sky and the glorious birds flying ever so gracefully with not a care in the world.
Life will make your healing graph seem impossible on some occasion to the point of a straight line, but you can choose to stand tall and look at the other side. Life will send fire to burn you, like the phoenix, you can rise from the ashes. She can also try to break you, but make sure, she doesn’t break your spirit. Now someone would wonder why this torture? O dear beloved, it is no torture, you are healing, this is actually healing, this is how the process works, to try to break you so you would give up and fall and not rise, but every time you get up, a scar has being healed, every time you rise, a warrior has risen, for every time you cried and still stood up, your power grew. What you didn’t know is, you’ve become the epitome of what life wants to show the world. That you have become the face that refused to acknowledge the negativity that the world has to offer ad that through you others can learn, be inspired and dare to be brave, that you have refused to bow and kneel in defeat and if this is what healing is about you are prepared to go through it. When you get to this point, you have chosen to dictate how your healing graph will look, the days will come when you will be forced to be on your knees, but you can choose to kneel or stand in the sun. Your choice.
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