Heartbreaks. One of the few things in this world that can cause emotional and physical pain at the same time. These can affect one’s health and sometimes being the reason of so many illness, ranging from low performing immune system to depression or downright suicide attempts. According to Courtney Nesbitt, L.C.S.W who practices individual, couples and group therapy she says; “the mind is a very powerful organ and heartbreak is a very powerful emotion. When the two combine, it can certainly produce a physical reaction”, I believe 100 percent that a broken heart and emotional pain can negatively affect physical health”.
The effect caused here is due to the fact that the area in which physical pain is processed is also the same ground in which emotional pain is grounded. A combination of these 2 is traumatic. According to author Meghan Laslocky who has written books about heartbreak, this could be because both the sympathetic and parasympathetic activation systems are triggered simultaneously. The parasympathetic system is part of your nervous system that is in charge of relaxed digestion and saliva production, the sympathetic nervous system is the flight or fight response that sends hormones rushing through the body which increase heart rate and activates the muscles. When these are turned at the same time, the body experiences discomfort and a possibility of chest pains.
Heartbreak does a thousand dysfunction at a go, in a moment, which proves much more dangerous than the average pain. These has being known to trigger stroke or heart attack problems in some patients. To balance a healing process of one going through a heart break and treating other health issues is very tricky. Knowing that one cannot go without the other. It also important to note that when you help one attain peace of mind in their heart break problems, the symptoms tend to diminish, whilst some might respond to the treatment of the health issues than the emotional one, but what one is to take note of is how intertwined they are a d that one cannot release the other with the other.
In a situation of heartbreak health, it is best to help one heal as this is the way to ensure that they go into their old ways. There is no definite process as to how to heal a heart break as with every individual it differs. Some take longer time than others whilst others recover with a bounce, but there is an intense moment in which if that phase is avoided, the whole process is futile and this is it;
According to the Author John Green from the book the fault in our stars states; “pain demands to be felt”. Most therapy will recommend you to get involve with work, stay busy, do anything that will get you away from that pain. The thing with pain is, no matter how you try to suppress it, or keep it stashed somewhere, it will always pop and it comes with a big bang that no one can control until you’ve finished experiencing it. In order for one to heal, the process of pain must be activated. It is a universal nature, it’s a law it can’t be avoided. Some pains look like it will kill you, it won’t. It only brings you to the reality of your situation and why you should become a stronger individual. Pain breeds strong people.
Rules for dealing with heartbreaks to improve your health;
Rule #1; Feel the pain, embrace it, submerge yourself in it
This is the most important phase of a heartbreak, after the initial shock of your heart break, your mind is still in blank mode and all you want to do is go home and close the door “to think this through”. Admit it, it is over, then cry your hearts out if you must, close the doors and switch your phones, basically shut yourself off from the world if you can. If you can’t cope at work, call in to say you can’t come and dwell on this pain. Don’t bother wondering what went wrong with the relationship or why he or she left, throw the phone at a corner that you can’t remember or give it to somebody to keep for you to avoid, the “drunk dialing scenario”. If you have a stronger will you can hold on to it, scroll through old messages, pictures on Facebook , see both you and him, and his or her new partner and feel every pain your body feeds you.
Think of the worst thing that he or she could ever do to hurt you, is it marriage or giving birth etc. Think about these things, dwell on this and let the pain envelope you. Do you know why this method? When you think of the worst that can ever happen to you and you are ready to embrace the worst, you have conquered. According to Dale Carnegie author of how to stop worrying he used a technique to stop the issue of worrying which kills people faster than any critical illness, he says; “First, ask yourself what’s the worst that could possibly happen. Second, prepare to accept the worst. Finally, figure out how to improve upon the worst, should it come to pass”. “This technique is based on an anecdote from Willis Carrier, founder of the modern air-conditioning industry.” Which in this case is your heartbreak. When you find the worst, if there is nothing you can do to improve on the worst that will happen from your breakup, then raise your hands up and a have a cup of wine.
Remember, this is your mourning stage, you can take as much time as you want (just don’t forget people are counting on you, and the world won’t stop turning because you are in a heart break phase). Your pain can cause you to stop eating, or overeat, depression, low self-esteem and all the negative things that can be associated in man, because heart break brings the worst in man and that is exactly what you are going to allow yourself to do, to bring out the worst and ugly you. After that, you can sit down and conclude on the worst case scenario and when there is nothing you can do about it, which is in most cases. Then, get up and shed scales.
Rule #2- Shed your scales
You know now there is nothing you can do about it, nothing that will cause embarrassment and disgrace to your family’s honor, friends and your social circle world. This is where you choose the woman or man you want to be, a sad and hopeless, rejected fellow or the opposite. This is where you clean your eyes, clean your apartment(in the process you will find your phone), call up your friends, look clean and invite them to eat ice cream with you whilst you watch any movie of your choice. At this point, you are still in pain, but drastically lesser than the first phase. The pain is not as excruciating, your brain has gone from super-hot to mild, lowering any impact it might have caused on you. Your system is responding to you, they are healing with you. At this point, you are to delete and remove every reminder of him or her in the apartment. Delete number, block on every social media. Basically erase. Or open a new social media account if the situation is too terrible. Exercise, get in a better shape, take care of yourself, and eat well.
Try a new hair look, take up hobbies you’ve put away because of your former partner, plan a voyage. Change your soundtracks (this also play a huge part in dragging you back) go for Uplifting songs, Demi Lovato, Beyoncé, Hill song and many more may help. This phase would be much easier since you have successfully done phase 1.
Rule #3-Rise like the Phoenix
It’s time to step out, at this phase you have accepted everything and there it is life hasn’t stopped neither should you. This doesn’t mean you become extremely happy and act like you don’t care and all those “I am over it” attitude. If you’re still feeling pain, it’s okay, all you need is time, keep going, surround yourself with the right people, and if your ex is part of your social circle, you can avoid it totally or go for it if you can handle it. Some people would not want anything to do with their former partner and others totally move pass it. It is up to you. Time heals all wounds as they say. Spend more time with yourself and revitalize. One advantage with heartbreaks, they build you up and strengthen you, you become tougher to handle the worst, you learn about your health issues and you work on them. They make you become a better person bearing your physical and emotional sides.
Any time the phoenix burns, it arises from the ashes, always. Each time, better than before. In every way. Rise.
Image Courtesy of: steadyhealth.com, wisegeek.com